The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks

I am not sure that I would think this site is as funny as I do now if I wasn't taking grammar currently. It never fails to make me laugh out loud. Has "Jesus" saved your soul?

When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.

I had a rough night last night, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

1. I fried my video camera by plugging it into the laptop power supply (accidentally)
2. By shorting out the camera, I froze a tape that I really needed inside of it. I had spent several hours creating a voice over for my Grandma of the ranch documentary I am working on, and then I had to call her and ask if she would redo the whole thing and overnight it to me.
3. I cut 10 hours of video into a 2 1/2 hour video, exported that video into a 2 1/2 hour movie, and have thus far been unsuccessful in getting the 2 1/2 hour one onto my brand new (so pretty) external hard drive.
4. I woke up, did my hair, put on some makeup (a strange thing for me) and came all the way up to campus, only to discover that I had forgotten my laptop. Luckily my sister was at home, and completely willing to hop right out of bed into her car to drive me back and forth to get it from my apartment.

It's kind of an Eeyore day so far.

Weddingbee

I have a new obsession. It is one of the most addicting sites that I have ever visited. Weddingbee. It is a wedding themed blog updated by brides across the country as they discuss everything pertaining to their own weddings.

All of the brides have the cutest handles, like Kiwi, Mangnolia, and my favorite flower, Gardenia. Each new batch of bride bloggers choose a nickname from a group, the newest group being types of desserts. Yum!

I check it obsessively, so much so that I have even started reading through the archives. The posts are organized by bride, and I have read through the complete weddings of 3 different brides. There is no end in sight in terms of reading them all (something I am gleeful about).

I am in love. I am going to buckle down and write daily, so that when Swayzie finally proposes I can become a bee myself!

Proprieting

Proprioception. It took 33-year old Clark 7 years to find a doctor who could explain what this word meant for his life. If you were to ask him to explain this word to you it would take him at least 15 minutes to give you the full meaning. Often called the sixth sense, proprioception is the way that the body determines where it is in relation to itself; a sense that all human beings inherently have. Clark will say that this definition is incomplete, that no person could ever understand what proprioception is until they no longer have it. He completely lost his sense of proprioception 13 years ago, leaving him to stumble through life without any sense of self-awareness. When Clark closes his eyes he cannot touch his nose. Without his eyes open, Clark cannot point to his mouth. Losing his proprioception has meant losing everything about himself.

Clark worked 12 years for Microsoft, where he stared at a screen for 9 hours on weekdays and attended swanky parties on weekends. He was 3 years away from a promotion and a significant pay raise.

One day Clark’s brain woke up but his body would not. He panicked because he wasn’t sure if his body still existed, he wondered if he had died. He told his eyes to open, and they did. He spent 8 minutes telling his body to sit up but it would not. He could see his left leg, which he threw up in the air causing him to roll out of the bed onto the floor. This action knocked him unconscious for 2 hours, until the driver of his carpool group came in to see if he had slept in for work.

He woke up at 1:00 in a hospital bed in Seattle, his eyes only opening after he willed them to do so for an entire minute. He lay there for 3 months while doctors worked him over attempting to discover the problem. He felt helpless and allowed this helplessness to overtake his life, losing his job and all of his fair-weather friends in the process. He found the hospital to be an agonizing place, where time seemed to stop. It wasn’t until he was released from the hospital that he realized time had been quickly advancing all along.

8 months after he woke up he lifted a cup to his mouth for the first time. Each step of the process had to be isolated and done in the correct order. First he looked down at his arm, bending at the elbow and moving the entire arm towards the cup. He made his fingers curve to fit the form of the cup, and after weeks of practice he bent them together around the slender ceramic body. He willed his arm to move up and towards his lips, looking in the mirror across from his bed to guide it to his lips. Without the mirror he had no idea where his lips were, and during previous attempts he had soaked his chest. His sheets and gown had to be changed, an action that took at least 22 minutes each time. The first taste of water presented to his mouth by his own accord awoke a new sense of independence within.

Each jerky attempt at drinking caused him to feel like a marionette on a string. Though the jarring motions were distracting and unpleasant to behold, they broke up the monotony of his life in the stark white hotel room. No one brought him flowers, and he never expected any balloons. He watched summer turn to winter 3 times before he moved home from the hospital for good.

This condition had forced Clark to redefine himself completely. He had learned to use his sense of sight as a blind man relies upon the sense of touch. When he didn’t know what proprioception was, he defined himself using his accomplishments. Now retrieving toast from the toaster without burning himself was an accomplishment. And yet, when he thought about this, retrieving toast from the toaster, he remembered burning his old self a few times. This thought made him smile. Or at least he thought he was smiling, without a mirror to look into it was hard to tell.

"Please drop your trousers"

I went to the urologist today. When I was in the examination room I realized that the rooms are not soundproofed at all. This means that as the older gentleman next to me was having his examination, I was privy to every word while I waited for my own examination to begin. "Drop your trousers", "turn and cough", I heard it all. Apparently he has hemorrhoids and an enlarged prostate. I tried to hum and read all about Rosamond Vincy in Middlemarch but it was SO LOUD. I was saved from hearing all of the gory details of the rest of his visit when my Mom called me to chat.

This did have a negative effect on my own visit as I was constantly censoring myself as I wondered whether the person next door to me was listening in. Those are the kind of visits that I don't like sharing the details of.

Ward Activities

I have been thinking about ward activities today. It stems from a discussion (fight?) I had with a friend of mine about a week ago concerning Family Home Evening. I began the discussion defending the point that I didn't have to go to FHE because I don't have a family and thus FHE is not for me because I am not a single. Turns out this is incorrect, and now I am no longer sinning in ignorance. I will just continue to sin in defiance by not going. It is a waste of time and I hate it. So there.
Anyways, this girl in my Sunday School class was complaining about how no one comes to the ward activities and this got me thinking about the true purpose of these ward activities in the first place. Are we having them just so that everyone will come and the activities committee will feel good about themselves? Isn't the purpose of these singles ward activities to give people a chance to socialize. Thus if I do not have the desire to socialize I should not be required to go. It makes sense doesn't it?

Free Hugs

I gave out free hugs on campus for a class project involving doing something outside of my comfort zone. It was awkward, as was to be expected.

Relieving Extraction

The esthetician had warned her against using her fingernails to squeeze. Because she had stopped biting her nails recently they were extremely accurate, yet deadly in terms of scarring. The acne wasn’t a new thing for her, but she had seen it clear up significantly before she started college and did not understand why during her senior year it had popped up again. The $135 spa facial didn’t do anything for her, despite their complicated explanations behind the zit-zapping laser she had endured. Now it was back to infomercial acne systems accompanied by 60-day money back guarantees.

She felt it developing all day today, was unable to prevent herself brushing her fingers lightly against it. She felt the pressure of that zit building up inside her, the pressure reached down deep below the surface, all the way back to her skull. Both of her presentations were given yesterday, luckily, because she would have been touching her face constantly throughout them. One of her TA’s always seemed to have a new crop of acne whenever he did review sessions and she always found it difficult to concentrate on the material he was presenting while he constantly touched his chin.

There it was, just below the hairline on her right temple. It had developed into a white top-hat sitting on an angry red mountain. She pressed against it with the tip of her index finger and felt the pimple press back with exacerbated resistance. She thought about the latest pamphlet she had picked up from yet another company claiming to know the answer to her acne dilemma. Glaring up at her was a cross section of a giant pimple, this one as big as her hand laid flat against the paper. The pimples pictured weren’t ever sporting a white-domed peak like hers, but looked just as pissed off.

She had learned from this pamphlet that deep down below the angry red mountain there sat a collection of sebum. The word actually made her shudder, it was so disgusting. She could not bear the thought of leaving something with a name so repulsive to sit inside of her. No one could deny it would eventually explode with the right amount of pressure. This giant mountain sitting on her temple would put on a magnificent show of discharging discharge.

In high school she had learned from a friend that the secret to drawing out everything with minimal scarring was using the hooked end of a bobby pin. The bobby pin was her primary method of eradication until she discovered “The Extractor”. One end of The Extractor has a basket that forms a perfect circle around the pustule, forcing everything out and catching all of the slimy pus in one quick motion; the other as sharp as a lance.

She relished the thought of the tip breaking through the barrier of her skin. Sometimes at night, she and the roommates lift up their shirts exposing their backs to one another. They proceed to go to work searching out any blackheads or pimples to pop. Sometimes the pressure is so great that someone invariably cries out against the pain, but rarely does anyone ask to stop.

She pressed her finger against the tip of the lance, and then flipped The Extractor over and sized up the basket. She reached up and touched the zit once more, feeling the hard center blocked up with sebum and smiled at the thought of the way it would feel after it was all over. Her temple would throb a little bit, and if she squeezed too hard some blood would escape. Sometimes she squeezes too hard so that the pimple becomes a scab that scars over and takes weeks to heal, no matter how many times Vitamin E was applied to sink in overnight.

She lined up the basket of The Extractor carefully, making sure that the dull outer rim didn’t block the pore she was attempting to open. She pressed down firmly and didn’t stop until the pimple erupted open, shooting out pus hard enough that it hit the mirror. She smiled because it was over. The scar would be worth the release of the pressure that she felt.

Fire Alarm and Fall for Dante

They have been testing the fire alarms in a few of the buildings on campus this week and I was able to experience my first delayed class due to one. We all stood outside for about 10 minutes until the siren stopped sounding and the majority of the people started to move back inside. I thought it was great that there were several girls who insisted that we were not supposed to be entering the building yet because the emergency doors and stairway gates were still shut. I didn't think that was going to be a good enough excuse for Dr. Sowell so I went ahead and went in anyways.

It was a good thing I headed back in to class when I did because I had the chance to fall in love with my Divine Comedy class and Dante's Divine Comedy all over again. I thought that my Professor did an excellent job with his lecture today, inspiring me to give Purgatorio another try as I was about to write it off as high-brow impossible classical junk. I will not question Dante's brilliance again.

I am loving this blog.
Just one more sign that I am truly becoming an English Major.

My Very Own Special Collections Boyfriend

Dear Boy-with-Headphones-Blasting-Eating-Treats-in-the-Library,

No one here finds you funny. Not even me. Although I may be smiling and looking your direction, I am actually mocking you. The rustling of your cheddar flavored processed snack food grates on my nerves as I attempt to process the deeper meaning of Dante. The Music Videos you are watching are most likely inappropriate, and definitely an activity that you could be engaging in with your "homies" back at your casa. Possibly you forget that you are in the library, where people are quiet and serious, and never very forgiving. Feel free to come back when you desire to act like a respectful human being.
Sincerely,
Girl Who is Attempting To Study

Who is That Girl?

My name is Jenna and this is my blog. I am from Washington, live in Utah, and have plans to move to Texas rather soon. I love photography, discovering new food, and absolutely anything related to weddings. If you want to read about wedding related things head on over to the That Bride blog. I am currently a student at BYU majoring in English, and after I am done with that who knows what I will end up doing. I love reading and replying to your comments so please feel free to leave me something saying hi!

PostSecret of the Week

It would seriously be so fun to sort the postcards for this blog.

PostSecret of the Week

I like how general this postcard is. Made by someone who has alot of secrets, and wants to justify them. They took a picture that has been used all over the internet and didn't state exactly what their issue is. I have secrets I am also ashamed to admit.

PostSecret of the Week

I cried when I saw this. It says what I can never communicate to my own father.

PostSecret of the Week

Please hurry and find me.

PostSecret of the Week

I think this is one of the most romantic postcards I have ever seen. I miss being in love.

PostSecret of the Week

There is someone out there like this for me..................
Hope I get the chance sometime soon.........

What I am doing right now

I dropped out of school, due to the 4 weeks that I missed when I was sick. Don't worry, I am planning on going back. I got a job working at an assisted living facility as a nurses aide. Basically I am changing diapers (or briefs as we call them) and suprisingly, I really like it. Not the changing diapers part, I don't think you could ever really like that. But I am working the graveyar shift 10:30-6:30 and I love nto having to get up to go to work, I am already awake when I go. And I don't fall asleep through my shift, actually when I get home I am really keyed up and I have a hard time falling asleep at first. Most of all I love taking care of these people who can't do things for themselves. I pity them and somehow love them all at the same time. And of course there are the funny moments, good stories to come home and tell my roommates. Even though sometimes they don't totally want to hear them.

Whoops there I am

The past two weeks have been weird to say the least. I have been really sick, I am actually back home in Washington right now. I have been through three different diagnosis', the first that I just had a cough, the second that I had whooping cough, but a chest x-ray revealed that I have pneumonia.
I was coming home for Jr. Miss anyways, we just moved my flight up a week. I am feeling a little frustrated because I started to feel better almost as soon as I got home. Not that I don't enjoy having someone cook for me and taking a break from real life for a week, I just don't know how I am going to recover from missing 3 weeks of school in a row. I think I probably could have gone to class tommorow and been fine. I will just have to send out the doctors note that I got and hope for the best. I really like the use of the word "convalescence".

I missed Preference by coming home. That was painful for me. To spend 2 months planning an activity and then drop out the week of. I will find out next week how it went.

Shaylene is Jr. Miss this weekend. She is going to do amazing, she is so gorgeous I sometimes have a hard time believing it. I will post some video clips sometime soon.

I am going to submit our Chicago video to google video and see if I can get it put on the internet. How fun!

Mi Vida Loca

Things I am Doing Right Now

-Materials manager for a Student Body election campaign
-Event lead for Preference, which will hopefully be attended by 2000 people with 5 activity options and 3 different dances.
-Taking 8 credits, neglecting all of them
-Working an average of 12 hours a week for catering
-Doing my own banquet next week!
-Feeling guilty for not having the Chicago video done (although it will be amazing when I finish)
-Feeling guilty about the crappy relationship that I have with my Mother (we have had one conversation in the past 3 weeks)
-Organizing Murder Mystery Dinner Parties like crazy, I have 4 scheduled now, 2 with set dates and invitations already given.
-Avoiding cleaning up my disgusting room, which hardly had any available walking space
-Avoiding the use of my car whenever possible, trying to WALK EVERYWHERE!
-Eating one meal a day (this is on accident, I am just really busy)
-Not ready my scriptures enough
-Trying to decide my plans for the Summer
-Still feeling good about a mission this Summer
-Spending way too much time on Facebook
-Trying to prep my computer for the Jr. Miss video manufacturing
-Trying not to think about how I am going to soon add 5 more credits on to all of this
-Trying to get a dinner group started so I actually eat dinner