My Very Own Special Collections Boyfriend

Dear Boy-with-Headphones-Blasting-Eating-Treats-in-the-Library,

No one here finds you funny. Not even me. Although I may be smiling and looking your direction, I am actually mocking you. The rustling of your cheddar flavored processed snack food grates on my nerves as I attempt to process the deeper meaning of Dante. The Music Videos you are watching are most likely inappropriate, and definitely an activity that you could be engaging in with your "homies" back at your casa. Possibly you forget that you are in the library, where people are quiet and serious, and never very forgiving. Feel free to come back when you desire to act like a respectful human being.
Sincerely,
Girl Who is Attempting To Study