Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I've seen better days

This is from an email that I sent to my parents tonight it's been a tough week for me

I really should be doing my Italiano Compiti (italian homework) but I am so frustrated that I am afraid I will waste my time at the library by mulling things over and over. Hopefully I can write this to you as a way to vent, and then focus on "getting 'er done" as the cowboys in Texas say.

I yelled at one of my roommates, Benita, today because I was annoyed with her. We sat down and had a roommate meeting a few weeks ago and tried to work out some plans for things like doing the dishes, and who gets to park in our assigned parking spots. So last week Megan left on Wednesday and asked me to trade her my spot for hers (so I would park in her spot that week, and she would park in mine for this week), and I didnt really want to but I said yes anyways. Well we discovered that you can park in the spot between our spots, and so when I came home and saw that it was open I parked inside of their, leaving the other 3 spots open for everyone else. Everyone else parked their cars in our assigned spots, and I left mine in the other for the entire week (which by the way, is something we have always talked about, but nobody has ever done). So Megan got home on Sunday, and on Monday night I moved my car to go grocery shopping. I figured since it had been so long since I had parked in one of our spots, and it was late at night, and there were no free spots, it would probably be okay for me to park in one of our assigned spots? Considering the fact that this would be the 3rd week in a row that Benita had been parking in our assigned spots, and Megan didn't leave and vacate her spot until Wednesday last week.

So I come down to the living room to go to the library with Heather and I am greeted by Benita who lets me know that I parked in her spot this week. I was frustrated that nobody has seemed to recognize what I had done the week before, and so I told her that maybe since she parked in our assigned spot all last week that she could park in some free spaces this week. Well that didn't go over so well, since that wasn't what was on the board. Now that I am telling you this story, I am annoyed with Megan as well because she should have the good sense to realize that she should park in a free space until tommorow. It's all so stupid, but these are the kind of things that will drive us all crazy. And I get annoyed if I am the only one who is trying to make sacrifices like that.

You are probably laughing at me right now, and I was hoping that this would all be theraputic, but I am only getting more annoyed. I am just a little stressed about this coming week and all of the things I have scheduled for myself. I have to stop doing this, but I don't. And I don't know why. And I am frustrated because I should have done the dishes, but I didn't so Heather did, and now I feel bad because she always does. But I figure, why should I be the one to break down and do them? I don want to be the nice person all of the time, let someone else take responsibility for themselves. We tried to work out a system for the dishes, but it sucks and it isnt working at all, and Heather just ends up doing them all the time because she is too nice like that. I was the only one who wanted to assign days, everyone else was afraid to do that because that would mean taking responsibility. So instead we decided to the same old system, just put your dishes in the dishwasher right after you use them. The problem with that is, that nobody ever unloads the dishwasher so it never is empty. Oh its such a mess, and I am frustrated because I don't know how to make things change. I need to try harder to do my part, but I am not going to take over everyone elses load as well. Maybe it would have been better to come and live at home during the Summer, I am tired of having roommates right now. I so am not ready to get married..........

I have been having headaches alot lately, at least one every night, and today I missed two classes because my head was pulsing and I was so worn out I couldn't even focus and I came home and went to bed and slept for 4 hours. So now I still have a headache, and I feel like I am behind in my classes. I have missed both of my "free" days for English already. Mom, I really want to take that hormone test, because I can't do this anymore, but I need to call you and get your help in figuring out the paperwork because there is alot of it that I don't understand. If I fill out the paperwork before I send it off, then I know I will be able to put it right in the mail. I need to buy more Prozac too, I have been out of it for 2 weeks, and I am really starting to feel the difference. And my IC has really been flaring up, not so much with pain, but with incontinence and it makes me feel like an old stupid person and I hate it.

My head has been hurting so bad, and I have been so tired at night that I have been going to bed without reading my scriptures and now I am so behind. I just have to focus on how good I feel when I am reading and doing things that I need too, Heavenly Father really helped me out while I was.

This email hasn't been too happy, I am sorry that I don't have more good news to share with you. I really need to go talk to the scheduler about working with that girl Mom, I am scheduled with her again on next Friday. Yuck. But maybe I am supposed to be learning a lesson from this. Today in my leadership class we talked about making a good leader, and it was interesting how many things I could come up with by thinking about the things that this captain does (and how they are the wrong things to do), and how she needed to be doing exactly the opposite.

I used my tips to buy some new shoes for work. They were really really expensive, but I am ending my shifts by limping around, and sometimes after a long day I can't fall asleep because my feet ache so bad they are just throbbing. So I figured it was worth it. You can check them out here. http://store.nordstrom.com/product/product_brandboutique.asp?styleid=2873370&boutique=dansko&category=2376778~2372811~2376403~2376404~2376405&NextStyleID=2873368&PrevStyleID=2873246
They fit like nothing that I have ever worn before. It feels like Dansko measured my feet and made shoes that fit me exactly. It was a wonderful, and it makes me happy just thinking about it.


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